My wife will be induced Friday, and I have a few questions?

We took childbirth classes together, and my wife is adamant about not receiving painkillers, which is fine. The problem is I really love my wife, and I will hate seeing her in so much pain. So what are some tips on maintaining my cool so I can be as supportive as she needs me to be?





Also, I have arranged flowers to be delivered after the birth, and I'll be giving her a diamond tennis bracelet, I brought for her in the beginning of her pregnancy. Do you think she'll find that to be a little much, or do you think she'd like it? I would ask one of her friends, but they'd probably tell her.





Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

My wife will be induced Friday, and I have a few questions?
oh wow, you are a really nice husband... i didn't get flowers.. that sucks for me !! =) i think that is very nice and very thoughtful... as for you to keep your cool... just stand by her side, and tell her to breath, and just remember it is not constant pain.. she will be ok.. tell her thank you for giving me the most beautiful child in the world, remind her how pretty she is, and that you thank god for giving someone soo special to you!! good luck !! =)
Reply:well you are so sweet.





But since she isn't going to take the drugs, and will be in a lot of pain. Stay out of her way and don't let the nurses bully her. they might bully because she might be so cranky with the tremendous amount of pain.


Don't be mean to the nurses your self of course but let the know you ain't gonna take no crap off of them.





Being in labor twice i know how irritating it can be people taking pictures and people hovering over me and wanting to help and bless every ones heart i know they meant well but they have to understand sometime you have to stand back and let them get thru that contration. I personally liked my belly rubbed after a contraction maybe you can do that for her after one but durring she might be like BACK OFF!!! lol you will do fine
Reply:I don't think anyone remembers the pain after seeing that baby, so try to remember that.


Don't get offended by anything she says while in labor - she doesn't mean it.


Maybe tell her before what you told us - that you really love her and will hate seeing her in pain, so if she does change her mind and decides she needs/wants painkillers, she doesn't feel like she has to be brave and skip them for you (women who are induced may have stronger contractions meaning even more pain)


Let her know you're scared too, and if she can, it would help if she could tell you what she needs, like if she needs her back rubbed, or wants to get up and walk, or try a different position, so you can be her advocate and make sure the hospital staff allows her to do what she wants within reason.


And no, she won't find your gifts to be too much. They show how much you love her. You'll be a great dad because you love and respect your wife/baby's mommy.


Congratulations on your new baby!!!
Reply:Just keep your cool coz she will be relying on your to be the level-headed one, and make sure that the drs dont do anything that she doesnt want, incase she is unable to clearly communicate with them. Just be sensitive and try to do what you think she needs, but follow her lead if she doesnt like it. For the gifts thats awesome but I dont think do it to soon after she has baby coz she'll be too wasted to enjoy the moment or appreciate it, wait until shes freshened up, had a rest and is feeling more lively. Good luck.
Reply:I was induced as well and I also chose not to have an epidural. The induction didn't work as planned. I thought for sure that I'd go into labor in an instant but i didn't finally go into labor till they broke my water. Just be by her side and let her do her thing. She'll let you know what she needs...I was crying and holding tight to my husband's sleeve, burying my face in his arm to get thru the pain. My baby was face up/sunny side up. So I had alot of back labor. There were definitely times that I told my husband I wanted an epidural and he gently reminded me that That is not what I really want. He reminded me to breathe and kept saying I can do it.....finally I said I can't take it and the nurse offered Stadol to take the edge off. I am happy with that decision cuz I was not completely numb like with an epidural. Pretty much, I felt all the contractions but in between I was able to sleep and rest up for the next wave of contractions. It was a life saver.


My plan was to wait long enough on an epidural so that when I finally asked for one it would be too late to get one. It worked!


She'll be in pain so she may not have a clear head. If she is adamant about no epidural then it's up to you to remind her that she CAN get thru the pain and that she doesn't want a painkiller. Really talk out a plan with her ahead of time. The BEST thing you can do is support her decisions for childbirth.
Reply:Why is she being induced? Are you aware that induction often leads to a more painful labour? The contractions are often more intense, and harder to cope with; many induced women feel the need for painkillers, whom would otherwise cope just fine with a normal labour. This is especially the case with syntocinon (drip) induced labours, and ARM. (Link below with more info on inductions.)





"Overdue" is not a good reason for induction unless she's 42 weeks or over, and there are signs of fetal distress. Did you know that the average pregnancy duration of a non-induced (and non c-section'ed) healthy caucasian woman having her first baby is *not* in fact 40 weeks, its 41 weeks and 1 day? (Reference below)





Do consider encouraging your wife to cancel the induction, and to wait for labour to start naturally, so her natural hormonal pain relief will kick in, and contractions will build up more gradually and naturally (easier to cope with), and be less intense.





In terms of ways for you to help with pain relief: massage, back rubs, verbal encouragement, hold a hot water bottle or heat pack on the small of her back, hold her, help her labour in upright positions (sitting, walking, squatting, leaning on you).





To support her goal of labouring without pain relief, presuming you're going to hospital, tell the midwives/nurses/ob on duty that your wife wishes no pain relief, and to *not offer it* - if she needs it, she will *ask* for it. Its much easier to labour without pain relief if people aren't constantly offering it. If she *does* ask for it during labour, encourage her to wait out a few more contractions, and see how she goes; tell her she's doing great, and every contraction is bringing her closer to meeting her baby. Essentially, stall her, and offer encouragement about how well she's doing.





Its very common during transition (a stage of labour shortly before crowning/birthing) for women to say "I can't do this", or "get me out of here" or "I'm going to die" or "give me drugs". Recognise that often this is a plea for support and reassurance, and often a signal that birth is close.





Good luck! And BTW, the present is a lovely idea. Diamonds are never too much. ;)





:)Bronwyn
Reply:wow!.. you are going to win some fans in here!!





no its not too much.. its loveley





one piece of advice: No matter what she says during the delivery, she does not want to kill, maim, or torture you..lol





she will be in incredible pain, and there really is nothing you can do physically for her, apart from give her ice to suck on, rub her back (which she will scream at you is not helping)..





maybe dangle the bracelt in fron of her and say if she doesnt rip your head off this is what she will get!!





honestly though, its so hard to tell how she will go through the labour just stay there, stay calm and look forward to your beautiful child at the end!!





good luck!!
Reply:my husband was pretty supportive by talking me through my pregnancy i chose to go without pain killers , he always reminded me if i wanted to take them it wont be little me in anyway that many do it ... and massaged my back at all time ... just stay by her ... dont get irritated cuz she wil b very very moody the gifts seem beautiful ... she is lucky to have such a wonderful husband


best of luck or doing a great job
Reply:When you see her in that much pain it will be very hard for you not to be like if you need them you can it will be ok...my boyfriend did that...I did mine without medication and it was the best choice I ever made...but when I was in labor it worked better for me if nobody talked to me as far and I picked a state of mind and I just stuck with it and focused and breathed but there was a time during my labor I thought about getting the drugs and my bf said to me if you want to you can I know that you are hurting and it is very hard to watch this...he also almost fainted when I was crowning...the birth of your child is amazing and I really hope she doesn't change her mind about getting pain killers...oh and breathing is the only thing that will get her threw this...GOOD LUCK
Reply:wow





do you have a single brother





oh sorry I'm already married myself











I just want to say she's very lucky :)





and bring her a little squeezy stress ball or make sure she has one packed,, to save your hand from being crushed during the contractions. and make sure to have a full pitcher of (ice?) water and a glass for her, well maybe not glass..... plastic would be okay :) so she has drink and you dont have to leave her side except to fill the pitcher back up














congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply:Wow... If only MY hubby was as kind and thoughtful as what you are! I was induced as well and after 50+ hours of labour, having massive seizures and ending witha c-section he told me that "I could've done it better" and that the reason I had complications was because I "just gave in to the pain...".





I don't think that its too much, I think that your wife will appreciate it. Especially since she has just put her body through a marathon to bring you a precious child. Any woman that has experienced labour will tell you that it's really nice to be appreciated for what they have just done. To go through child birth is incredibly exhausting so praise and gifts to show her how much you Do appreciate her and how much you love her is exactly what she needs.





Labour is hard for most women and good on you for wanting to support her and her decision NOT to have pain relief. You may find that she'll want to change her mind and thats ok as well. What you need to do to stay calm is remind yourself that each contraction is helping her. Envision every pain as if its massaging her cervix to coax it open so your baby can come out. Take deep breaths and focus on the end result- as hard as that will be, that is what gets you through. Tell yourself that although she is in pain, that its a purposeful pain. Its not like breaking your leg, all that pain is there for a resason and its doing something.





Good luck, take care and I hope your wife knows just how lucky she is to have you.
Reply:i had an induced labor, i had contractoins after the induction they were severe, and i had the epidural at once, couldnt stand the pain, my husband was really so symapathetic with me , and i knew how much he loved coz he was so sad seeing me like that, but i got the epidural at once and then i was smiling , and he wasnt sympathetic anymore:-(, just kidding :-). hold ur wife's hand , help her with the pushing. if she changes her mind after the contractions about the painkiller and wanted epidural , support her and also read abt em , who knows what could happen.


my husband brought me flowers, that was so thoughtful of him, i do love him soo much.


the most important thing to take care of her after giving birth, offer to take the baby so she could have somesleep, offer her water , juice if she is breastfeeding, go and kiss her every now and then, she will be in a terrible mood because of the change in hormones, fix her breakfast , and dnt wait for her to ask these things , offering them will show her how much u are thinking abt her and her baby .


good luck and congratulations:-).
Reply:The fact that you pre-arranged for flowers to be delivered says a lot. I'd be happy enough with that. The bracelet is just icing on the cake, as long as its jewelry that she would like any other day of the week, I don't see why it wouldn't make a great 'birth' present, she is bringing your child into the world.





As for seeing her in pain, try to avoid doing the 'are you ok' thing every 5 seconds. No one wants to hear that question constantly, and to be sure, the answer is going to be no and she just might yell at you. Just remember that its her choice to go through that pain. Ask her 'is there anything you need' once in a while, but don't over do it. And good luck, it sounds like you guys are really well prepared for this.
Reply:the gifts are wonderful! she will be happy... I had 2 kids both with no pain meds, or epid... and it was great just having my husband there holding my hand, rubbing my back, or just reassuring me everything was going to be ok..


congrats and good luck!
Reply:awww that is so sweet, i think she will love it. just stay by her side and be as strong and comforting as possible, and be the same is she changes her mine. good luck
Reply:That's perfect. She will love the gifts, but she'll love your support even more. A+ husband!
Reply:You sound like a really sweet guy.





My husband was also worried about seeing me in pain. So I told him that it was REALLY important to me to do the birth with no pain medication and the best thing he can do is be strong and supportive and have an attitude of strength to pull me up, not be looking all worried as this will not keep me motivated.





He was FANTASTIC. He said things like, come on, you can do this, he reminded me how proud he was of me and that he believed in me. I could not have done it without him.





He gave me diamond earrings after the birth and I have not yet taken them out. I think it is a lovely gesture.





Best of luck.
Reply:I said I didn't want pain meds either. I was induced. I changed my mind. If she changes her mind do not tell her but honey you wanted... Let her decide when she is there experiencing it.





I think it is a beautiful idea to give her presents. Having a baby is wonderful and hard. The presents just tell her how much you love her and appreciate what she has gone through for you and your family and her too.





As far as keeping your cool, take deep breaths and just remember, we don't remember how the pain felt. We remember it hurt but when we see that baby for the first time it all goes away. She will be ok and so will you. Good luck and congrats.