How can I tell my mom nicely not to inter fear with my wedding plans?

I am an asian womon in my 30's %26amp; my mom is still controlling me. In my culture we have arranged marriages. For the past 10 years my mom has tried to force me to marry men whom I hardly even knew. Some had really bad habbits %26amp; my mom said that they would change after I marry them. One guy freaked out because she even tried to fix my wedding date %26amp; where %26amp; when I should marry him even before met the guy. I was so disapointed with everything %26amp; gave up on finding a man. But out of the blue I met a wonderful man on my own %26amp; fell in love. Now we are engaged to be married %26amp; mom still is trying to interfear in our wedding plans. She even told me who should be my briedsmaid, what color of flower I should have in my cake, who should be my witness, how many should attend my wedding. My fiance %26amp; I are paying for our own wedding %26amp; planning it too. She got pretty upset with me last week about my wedding. Now we are ok. She wants a ring bearer when we said the best man will hand out the ring.

How can I tell my mom nicely not to inter fear with my wedding plans?
First of all congratulations on your engagement. You are about to embark on a whole new chapter in your life.





Be very open and honest with your mom. Tell her how you feel in a civil manner.





She loves and cares and wants the best for you that is why she is dong this (believe me I did not understand this until after I got married and had 2 children).





Take her to lunch and buy her something nice and then let her know. This will show that you care for her and you want to keep the lines of communication open. Let her know that this is your wedding day and you do want her to be a part of it.





Hope all works out for you.





God Bless....
Reply:I absolutely agree with the answer you chose - just have one quick thing to add. Ring bearers are cute and play a part in the ceremony, but are very rarely allowed to even touch the rings. Either the best man or the officiant handles this, even when you have an RB! Report It

Reply:Your mom really wants to be a part of your wedding. I personally would tell her "Mom, I love you and all of your ideas are great, however, we have already chosen to do this differently" Then I would give her a small task to do since she would be so gung-ho about the whole deal, like centerpieces- i would let her make them or choose them.





That way she will still feel like her opinions are wanted and accepted, and she will still have a part that she can dictate.
Reply:It's hard for you coming from an Asian background where some still adhere to the ritual of arranged courtships and marriages, but sounds like you're doing the right thing for you. It's not easy to tell your mother what you don't want since she came from a time where it was tradition to have your courtships and marriages arranged to people picked out by your parents or family members. Your mom sounds like a control freak. I asked my pen pal who was from Greece if they still did arranged marriages and she told me that you're free to marry who you want. It's amazing how your mother is hell bent on trying to pair you up with men who you never met. I mean come on I understand with keeping with tradition, but it sounds like your mom's trying to control every aspect of your life including how to plan and pay for your own wedding.





If you and your fiance are paying for the wedding then she's got no reason to give her input unless you ask for it and it didnt seem as if you asked for it. Stand your ground, but don't allow your mom to overstep her bounds because you're getting married she should be happy you found someone you actually want to make a life with.
Reply:Just sit down with your mom and tell her this wedding is going to be different then tradition. She must understand that you chose your own husband, you are paying for your own wedding, and you want to have it as you want it. That you are sorry that it breaks the tradition, but you want happiness to be remembered. You want to start your own tradition to carry on. I hope this helps. Tell her you appreciate all the help she has given and offered but you would like to make the decisions with your soon to be husband.
Reply:Your mother sounds like she really wants to be involved and doesn't know when to quit. It sounds like it's a bit of a cultural thing but interfering mothers are common to everyone. You can stop talking to her about your wedding or you can smile and nod at everything she suggests and thank her sweetly for her input. Let her suggestions go and do what you want to do. You could ask her for a list of important symbols that she feels should be incorporated into your wedding and then try to use as many as possible. I know that planning for a wedding is stressful enough without overly helpful family members but try to just smile and nod when you're given opinions or suggestions - most are worth exactly what you paid for them - nothing.
Reply:Try this, Mom I love you but if you dont leave me alone with all of these plans im gonna shoot you. (jokingly)
Reply:Tell her your a grown woman and you want more than any thing to plan your wedding on your own.
Reply:sit your mom down and talk to her nicely, say something like mom i love you but you don't haft to stress about the wedding Ive got every thing under control you just sit back and relax, you don't want wrinkles and Grey hair for our wedding portraits. OR just put your mom in charge of something to keep her out of your hair. Or just say mom your great but i want us all to be free so i hired a wedding planner.
Reply:No easy way but be assertive without being unkind. You owe it to your spouse to be. That is the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with so get started off on the right foot.
Reply:just tell her

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